This year I decided to try something. I wanted to try to write more - as in a lot more. I never really quantified how much I wanted to write but I would have failed just as much (except my failure would become measurable and a candidate for a future analysis). “Failure” is a heavy word, I find my usage of such words to be far lighter than the average person interprets them to be. I rarely see failure in itself as a negative, but rather as a lack of a positive, a neutral state. In all cases I can imagine, failure is only bad because of the underlying causes of that failure such as laziness, poor planning, etc.
In this specific instance, the causes of my failure are external and I do not believe I have committed any mistakes, nor have I suffered any consequences. This is one of the cases where failure is in a pure neutral state. My outlook aside, I have found something about myself. I have deep commitment issues in regard to personal projects.
Fundamentally, I appear to be consistently over-promising. Here is a short list of such things:
At the very start of 2018, I wanted to break down Flow in such a way that I would understand it on a deeper level. The best way to achieve such a thing is to teach it, and that’s what a I did. Sadly, my efforts were curbed by burn-out due to not figuring out how much effort each post required (Writing, editing, proofing). While my initial post was nearly a word-for-word transcription, the later ones were all original.
This was all later side-tracked as I became increasingly interested about the technology at the core of Flow - ReasonML which has taken away countless hours.
I had began a new project to substitute the older Étudie ÇA! project. Instead, I ended up breaking it without finishing E2X. I swear by finishing it over the summer as I actually really care about it. The current limitation is my knowledge as I am hesitating at what is the best way to design a back-end and want to do it write the first time.
Messenger Events was an ambition project and the peak example of my over-promising. Multiple people were hyped around a cleaner interface around the facebook chat api, which never materialized.
The project has to be re-written as I am now aware of ways to replace my hacks with elegant solutions.
Sitemap Crawler Generator
There is a number of open pull requests and issues that I have yet to address. The issue is two fold. One, I simply don’t have the time. Two, I have lost direction. I don’t know what I want this project to be anymore. I have written it for myself. I no longer need it, I no longer know what it needs.
There is a bold silver-lining to all of this however, I will be more having nothing to do anymore as I have a longer TODO list than time on my hands. Something tells me the length of the TODOs will not grow any shorter in the coming years.